We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
