so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The uberlube is also flammable
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
