i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
