So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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