i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
