I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The struggles of a small town man whore
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Drunk is not a location!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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