Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
