I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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