Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.