Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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