We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?