Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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