OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.