she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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