Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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