Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
