yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
