this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
