Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
