The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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