your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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