Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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