somebody snuck up and got me drunk
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
