it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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