I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
