he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Terrible idea I love it
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
