The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
