When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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