How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Holy shit dude........stairs
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
