I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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