i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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