Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
