Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
