Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
