i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
