based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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