Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
