I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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