fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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