I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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