I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
