i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
