I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
