I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
