im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
