I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
