Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
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We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
What drink are we having for lunch?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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