my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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