halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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