i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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