I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
