What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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