I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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