I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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