it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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