i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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