Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
