I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.