So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
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Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
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the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.