I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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