Tell her she can't have a vagina
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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