yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
