why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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