I have demons in me.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
