I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
