OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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