I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
