Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize