the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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