Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
