She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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