i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
