And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
