I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
