my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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