I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
