Umm I'm too high to move.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
