Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
