Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
