Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The Olympian is in my bed
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
