When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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