I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
