I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Me too!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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